conventionally speaking

The quadrennial political conventions used to be fun.  They used to have an edge to them that kept political junkies (like me...from a relatively early age) engaged and alert.  Even if the Presidential candidate needed only a rubberstamp (and, of course, most often he did) there was still intrigue enough to make the four days of long-winded speeches worthwhile viewing. 

 Passion came in the form of heated battles over planks in the so-called platform...tensions sometimes rising to the level that you expected a riot to break out at any moment (and in Chicago in '68 one actually did for the hapless Democrats.)  Mystery came with the rumors about who would be the running mate (in '80 the hot GOP buzz about a proposed Reagan-Ford "co-Presidency" kept the reporters scrambling for days.) 

There would fiery rhetoric castigating the opposing party and whipping the party faithful into a partisan frenzy and raucous demonstrations for candidates who had fallen by the wayside during the primaries but still resonated with those who believed in them.  Politican conventions used to be controlled chaos and delightfully pompous pronouncements ("Mr. Chairman, the great state of Wisconsin, home of the best cheese, the prettiest girls,  and the hardest working  folks on God's green earth, proudly casts its 49 votes for the next President of the United States of America...")

But now the conventions have been completely sanitized for our protection.  Micro-managed, scripted, and blanderized to within an inch of their lives leaving all of the spontaneity of a vapid stage show at Disneyland.  Anything even remotely resembling controversy or real passion has been carefully excised from the proceedings leaving a dull, pointless spectacle designed to show party "unity" at all costs ("hey, there ain't no dissenting opinions here, pal, we're just one big happy family...")

The Democrats opened their get together with their old school all-stars unleashing rabble-rousing, but carefully vetted, broadsides at the Bush administration.  Al Gore...the man who would be President, who is probably still cursing Ralph Nader, the Supreme Court, and the state of Florida for "stealing" his one and only chance at being in the Oval Office; Jimmy Carter, wrapped in the saintly glow of his post-Presidential good deeds; Hillary Clinton, the woman who would be President trying out the stage for size; and Bill Clinton, the affable rock star looking fit and  reminding us that even though the "boy from Hope" was now a member in good standing of the richest 2% of Americans he was still on our side.

Every body in the hall cheered in all the right places and dutifully waved their carefully placed banners for the TV cameras but it was soulless and rote.  Not any fun at all.

Next month, the Republicans will put on their own carefully choreographed pageant and it will be just as meaningless and hollow (though there is always the chance that the Vice President will go off script into full on, no prisoners taken attack mode...now that would be fun.)