a prologue

The novel I’m currently tweaking and editing…Soul Deep… is about a boy living in Los Angeles who turns 12 in a tumultuous year (1968). This is the prologue from that novel (which may or may not make the final cut):

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My childhood was a series of shadows…shadows eluded and shadows embraced with all the strength one little black boy could muster. Sometimes I thought the whole world was lost in shadows. Sometimes the shadows were just fine with me…they were just something to dance with…to scream into…something to keep the rest of the world at bay.

Sometimes I would imagine, in the way the only children can imagine, that the whole world revolved around me. I knew all too well that this wasn’t the case but that didn’t stop me from wondering, more idly at some times than others, if (and indeed how) people really moved and did things when I wasn’t around to see them. Imagination was one thing I had in abundance.

Imagination and childish ambition…at one point I wanted to be a fireman, at another point I wanted to be policeman. In years to come I wanted to be a hero…a super-hero if possible…and I had more than enough imagination to make it all seem like something I could easily do.

I had plenty of imagination…given free reign in pictures and words (in books and comics and wherever I could find them), and in music and fanciful ideas…and so many memories.

One of my earliest memories is a painful one. We were living on the East Coast at that time; it was a cold, autumn morning and storm clouds were gathering purposefully overhead. But I didn’t care. My daddy was coming to spend the whole day with me. Only me. I was three.

I waited, bundled from head to toe, at the gate in front of my mother’s little rented house straining to catch a glimpse of his car coming up the quiet street. Daddy loved big cars and I knew that I would be able to see him coming from far down the street. The icy breeze cut through me from time to time despite the coat and scarf and button-down cap Mama made me put on…but I didn’t care.

My sister Amanda, six years my senior, was pouting in her bedroom because she wasn’t invited to come along with Daddy and I (I didn’t care about that either…she’d spent the whole previous weekend with him and now it was my turn.)

There was music playing, my mother often had the radio on while she was doing housework or just trying to relax, though I don’t remember exactly what songs there were.

Behind me in the doorway, my mother stood fuming silently. Her eyes were filled with hot, stinging tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks every time I craned my neck at the sound of a car engine only to slump down dejectedly when it wasn’t my daddy’s car engine.

“Bastard,” she hissed as she spun on her heels and stormed towards the telephone. She stopped herself and took a deep breath. She lit a cigarette and made a concerted effort to calm herself before she picked up the phone.

Mama drew a measure of pungent smoke into her lungs and exhaled it slowly. She dialed the number she wanted and waited. It rang once…twice…thrice…twelve times in all. She dropped the receiver back onto its cradle. He wasn’t in his apartment. And he wasn’t, she was sure, on his way to pick up his son.

I stood at the gate for nearly an hour, crestfallen and hopeful at the same time. I waited until the clouds finally opened and the rain began to fall. I turned, my face wet with both raindrops and my own quiet tears, walked back up the path and up the stairs into the house.

Mama took my coat and scarf and cap and hugged me for what seemed like a million years. She said something about daddy but I don’t remember what it was. Amanda slipped out of her bedroom and asked me if I wanted to play Monopoly; I declined with a shrug and shake of my head. I went into my bedroom and flopped down onto the bed. I closed my eyes and slipped away to my garden…the quiet place in my head where the world was right and my mother was always happy and I was the sunshine of my father’s life. I spent a lot of time in the garden way back then; it was a world I felt safest in until I discovered the many safe havens to be found in books and comics and rock ‘n’ roll music.

Daddy showed up two days later. It was a bright day…cool and crisp and sunny. He was perplexed by the reception he got at first…even Amanda, who loved Daddy more than anybody, was chilly…and then it dawned on him what he had done. He had forgotten. “Sorry ‘bout that, boy,” he said in that happy-go-lucky, undeniably charming way of his. He chucked my chin and smiled. “Think you can forgive your old man?” he said flashing his most disarming grin.

I nodded. And I forgave him. But I never forgot the lesson he taught me on the cold autumn morning. My name is Malcolm Eli Hunter and this is part of my story.