Decision '08 (a Talking with Bob interlude)

My friend Bob burst into my house with a mission. He was, I noted with some chagrin, in his crusader mode. “Who are you gonna vote for?” Bob asked without any preamble.

I wracked my brain. American Idol was over and I didn’t think that So You Think You Can Dance had opened their phone voting yet. I frowned and gave him my best puzzled look. “Vote for?”

“For President! President of the United States of America! Maybe you’ve heard of it???” Bob said with exasperation. “Who are you gonna vote for?”

I sighed to myself. Political conversations with my friend Bob were never a pretty thing. “Hadn’t really thought about it that much,” I replied truthfully. “Especially considering that this is June of ’07 and I don’t really have to make a final decision until November of ’08.” I knew that this was the wrong answer before I’d finished speaking but I was already committed so I went with it.

“No! No! No!” Bob raged indignantly, the veins in his forehead throbbing impressively. “This is the most important decision in the history of this country and you can’t sit on the fence until next year! The good people of New Hampshire are on the verge of moving their primary to Halloween of this year so that they can have the first say in who gets to move on! You have to choose and you have to choose now!”

I suppressed a smile. “Calm down, Bob,” I said solicitously.

Bob grabbed me by my lapels and drew me so close that I could tell that he’d had Hawaiian pizza for lunch. “A name, Michael,” he said, his eyes glowing wildly, “give me a name!”

I suppressed a laugh and shrugged. “Okay. Fred Thompson.”

Bob’s eyes went wide and then he frowned. “Because you agree with him on the issues?” he asked warily.

“Nah,” I said, extricating myself from my friend Bob’s grasp, “because he has the coolest theme song. They’re going to play the Law and Order theme everywhere he goes and that’s going to be so cool.”

Bob’s mouth fell open. “You…you…you…” he sputtered unable to grasp my seemingly flippant attitude to the most important decision in the history of this country. “I can’t talk to you anymore,” he said his voice low and icy.

“Gah!” Bob exclaimed, throwing up his arms as he spun on his heels and marched towards the front door.

“Nice talking with you, Bob,” I said not bothering to suppress a smile as I began to hum the theme from Law and Order.